life is about how u let it lead you to. the past you have is your mistakes and the future you face now is your light to shine. i did a lot of mistakes in life and no one knows what mistakes i have done, it's between me and GOD. and no one knows how it feels to be punished my HIM. i know i've sin but no one is perfect. and we are created down here in earth to fulfilled our promises to HIM. the talked or much less the advises mum and dad has given me is for a life time till i leave this world, they've gone through all during their days, and i shall do the same when i stand in their shoes. sometimes i wonder and i asked myself, what i want in life so much and what im not satisfied in myself and why im doing this to myself and others ? yes, there's always challenges and barriers to every single thing. but what actually i wanted in my life for the past 18 years of my life and going on ? that question is still a question mark to both my parents. how to since i have NO answer to that question to myself, maybe, its possible because im still too young and i'm finding the answer but how ? i still need guidance from everyone. i want a happy family in the end still and i still need someone out of family to love too. you can't change fate and to who i'll be loving. dad, you may say it's not the time yet, i'm still young, i know. but i think you know the answer. don't tell me you never fall in love when you're young. mum dad, to think twice im still far off better compared to others. i never club i never drink before. and i'm still fulfilling your wish to be a good daughter and i'm still pursuing my dreams as a student. yes, i know i did lied and that makes you pissed off by me and i did not do my part as a muslim girl. okay, i admit but somehow or rather you should maybe open up your eyes, you should be grateful to have me. i missed of how we spend times together. i've been busy working studying but never did i make you worried about my pocket money. since i've been working in topshop you never give me my pocket money. maybe you been putting aside but i didn't know. we really need a good effective long time to talk in this family. we are happy on the base but the happiness we had is not from the core. i envy other family on how they talked to each other and they spend time together. on how the children grow up with colourful people around. maybe your teaching is different. i'm just a daughter nothing else. i'm nothing to be compared to you mum dad. so whatever reasons i'm still nothing but to obey your rules and regulations. respect is a must. i know i've been your sickness all this while but i'm just blank. i didn't know what i want in life. that's my problem. i hope the one i'm in love will guide me sincerely and i prayed that i'll change for the better one if that's what you wanted always mum dad. i will and insyallah i try to. life is beautiful in every way if we were to see but the problems that we are not settling it makes life a dirt. "don't make the beautiful life pass you by." ~ avril lavinge.